Newspulper Headlines:

A Republic, if You Can Keep It:

“King: One Year After Obama’s Victory” –

If This Is News, Crime Must Really Be Down:

“Burglary Reported in North America” –Daily Register (Harrisburg, IL)

Is That Like Being Too Big to Fail?:

“Lawyer Says Florida Man Is Too Fat to Kill in New Jersey Murder Case” –

We Still Predict He’ll Die:

“Revealed: Lockerbie Bomber Defies Doctors’ Prediction of Death” –Daily Telegraph (London)

Pigeons Land Safely After Hitting Planes — Now That Would Be News:

“Northwest Plane Lands Safely After Hitting Pigeons” –

Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control:

“Animals Take Over Downtown Library” –Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg, VA)

News You Can Use:

“Feminism Wasn’t Meant to Guarantee Happiness” –Arizona Daily Star (Tucson)

Bottom Stories of the Day:

“$900 Billion House Health-Care Reform Bill Likely to Cost More Than $900 Billion” –

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal’s James Taranto)


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