You may be Taliban if:

  • 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 
  • 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
  • 3. You have more wives than teeth.
  • 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
  • 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
  • 6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against
  • 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
  • 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
  • 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
  • 10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
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